seasonalkat

02:14 pm: Is it just the weather?
I am feeling mopey and sad for no real reason today. It would help if it was sunny and not gray and snowy today. It would help if I could sleep better. It would help if I got a hug. Waah.

12:50 pm: Week 4 of meds for E
*knock wood*

We have seen such a HUGE improvement in E since he began the meds to ostensibly help with the tics. He's not having any major side effects *knock wood* and is great at reminding us to give him his pill if we dare think about forgetting.

We need to schedule his first follow up with the neurologist on or around the 15th. I know the doc mentioned going up to a full pill in the a.m. and a full in the evening, whereas now he's at half that, and I wonder if we need to or want to go up. He's not getting a ton of tic relief (that I've seen), but it has helped him behaviorally to be more HIM. I'd forgotten how long it's been since he has been his usual funny/quirky/happy self. I missed that. Oh MAN did I miss that! And he's BACK. He's fragile, mind you, so when things don't go well he dissolves utterly, but I think I can live with that. We need to talk to him and get his take on it all, but that's kind of a hard concept to grasp I think.

At any rate, I could just cuddle the hell out of him 24/7 right now because I am making up for lost time.

03:18 pm: recapping a one hour period last night
Pick up A from daycare and get her in the car and on our way. Stop at E's school to pick him up. He is challenging to round up, but I manage to do so without losing either kid.  Get home, A has a fit in the car over who knows what and is crying her head off. Get both kids in the house, only to find that the dog has pooped in multiple locations in the dining room and bathroom. Open window, refrain from cursing dog at the top of my lungs, clean up poop to the tune of "when can we play star wars? you promised!  when!!!".  Take deep breaths AFTER poop is gone as now breathing is not disgusting.

Realize that we have to leave for the TS support group in an hour, and that I need to get moving even faster.  Start dinner while listening to E cry incessantly about us going to meetings "all the time" and "why didn't you tell me sooner" and "I don't want you to goooooooooooo" ad nauseum.  Scurry downstairs to take sheets from the bedwetting incident the previous night and get them in the dryer. Hope that they'll be dry in time to re-make bed before leaving!

Continue working on dinner, take the dog out (why???), come back in and realize the bathroom rug now needs washing from the dog and go downstairs with it to put in the washer. Check the dryer, nowhere near done. Clean lint trap to hopefully hurry things along.  Choose a vegetable from the downstairs freezer that should, in theory, be acceptable to both children to eat. Trudge upstairs.

Listen to kids fighting loudly as I try to brown meat. D comes in to the chaos, is tired and grouchy from a long day and a bad sore foot. D gets accosted by kids with whining and anger about us leaving. D is not pleased. D takes over the kitchen duties, allowing me to get the dog and the mail. Bills. Ugh. Curse the dog quietly under my breath while kids are not within earshot.

Set the table and feed the dog. A helps me set the table as best she can, which often results in things being spilled on the floor. Deep breaths trying to remain positive about the 'help' I am receiving.  Get hands washed, dog fed, dinner on the table. Listen to both kids complain about the dinner option, and continue to complain about why we are going out. Patience dwindling from adults at a RAPID pace.  E eats the entree, but not the veggie. A turns her nose up at the entree, but eats the veggie. If they could only be combined into one child! E complains that the portion size of veggie was too big, D snaps, E melts down. That's it for my meal! A then also cries her head off because E is, and heck if she's going to let that opportunity go to waste. A is sent to her room, E to his, I clear the table.

I go downstairs to check the progress of the sheets, and find them dry. Up two flights of stairs, amid cries of children, to re-make the bed. Realize that re-making the bed involves about 100 stuffed animals. Work very carefully to keep as many as possible in their places under the fitted sheets to make it all easier. Sweat and strain to get the sheet on the bed without knocking everything off and dodging the cat's repeated attempts to help.

Listen to the sounds of my mother arriving to babysit (bless her) and the insane frantic dog barking that goes along with anyone coming in or leaving the house. Know that D is really fed up, E is still crying, and mother is clueless so I scurry downstairs to deflect anything that needs deflecting. Listen to both kids AGAIN complaining about going, and listen to D saying she doesn't want to go EITHER, prompting me to say that I would go on my own, and was promptly discouraged from that.

Get into car, ride to gas station in QUIET, pump gas. Deep breaths. Realize that it has seriously only been one hour since I got home. No freaking WONDER I am so wiped out.

03:18 pm: Parent teacher conference this morning
I am weird. I get anxious when we have parent teacher conferences! Even though the teacher is fabulous, I'm always anxious. Today was the best meeting yet with her. We got E's report card for the 3rd quarter, and he's doing wonderfully in academics (all 3's and 4's, which are meets or exceeds expectations). He's improved in areas like music, which apparently many of the kids are struggling with as they are doing too much sitting down! The biggest plus, however, was in the areas of conduct. At the first quarter review he was getting 1's and 2's, which were basically indicating he was nowhere near where he was supposed to be. This time, however, they're all 3's and 4's. HURRAY!

His teacher told us two great anecdotes about his behavior in the last few weeks (interestingly since we've started his meds). One is that during choice time he got a book on paper airplanes (a favorite thing of his) and was making them. Over the course of a few days, he had a following of several other kids sitting with him and also making airplanes with him. He didn't overtake the activity. He didn't do everything for them. He just sat with them and they all did it together. YAY!

The second thing was that each day there is a 'Super Kid' for the day (that kid brings snack and something for show & tell). Apparently one of the things the Super Kid gets to do is to choose a friend to go with them to the office and take the attendance sheet. E has never been picked to be the friend to go, until this week. His response? "FINALLY", but he was so excited. I'm not sure I am totally on board with this practice, but I AM glad that E finally got his turn in the sun.

We also met with the school counselor about his TS. They don't have a ton of experience with it, so we told them what we've learned thus far, and offered to get them information. Both the teacher and counselor were very on board with that, so I have spent the morning buying and printing things from the TS Association, and have a THICK packet prepared for them both. I think we're all feeling better about the entire situation, and I know that this was given to us for a reason. We need to think of the diagnosis as a gift, a chance to help others, and I am working hard on that.

Way to go E!!!

11:19 am: Spring is here!
I see DAFFODILS! And Bradford Pear trees, which I hate, have white blossoms on them (pretty, but they smell to me like rotting meat). Birds are chirping and building nests. Robins are hunting in my front yard. Windows can be opened.

I love spring!

11:11 am: It was a GOOD weekend!
E had 2 b-day parties, overlapping, on Saturday. Despite that, he managed to keep his cool the whole time (despite a crazy fashion choice of a sweater to go bouncing!?). We got to drop him at the second and have a nice quiet adults only lunch (A was with my parents, bless them). Arrived at the party in time to see E doing better than I can ever remember at a party while the birthday boy opened his gifts. I couldn't be prouder.

We took apart the crib on Sunday. There are no more babies in our house (well, except for D on occasion). Moved A's bed so that she's not near the window anymore (she's broken 3 blinds already). It looks like a big girl lives there now! *sniffle*

BEAUTIFUL day, gorgeous weather, peaceful me.

10:16 am: Thank you
Thank you for everyone who responded to my last post. I'm not posting on that one because I don't want to read it again right now, but thank you. I am so very grateful and so lucky to have you all in my life.

10:59 am: Heavy hearted update
We had our appointment with the neurologist on Wednesday and when I was filling out the forms listing all the symptoms, it suddenly clicked that YES, he does have some disorder and we're doing the right thing by being here. Once we got in the exam room (after waiting an HOUR in the non-child-friendly waiting room), I started getting anxious. E was bouncing off the walls because hey, we didn't expect to wait an hour in a room that had nothing for kids to do, but settled down a bit once the doc came in.

He took a pretty thorough history and his questions prompted us to endorse even more things than either of us had remembered and put down on the intake form. Long story short, our boy has a "mild" case of Tourette Syndrome. Mild is good, but having ANY official diagnosis is hard. It's hard to think of him having something that is bothersome (and it is), but at least he's reported that he has not been teased (I wish it could always stay that way). The neurologist discussed options with us, including medication, and we opted to try a low level minimal side effect med to see if it would help reduce the frequency of the tics. He started it last night (at his insistence, we wanted to wait until Fri) as it can cause drowsiness.

I think he is doing fairly okay with the diagnosis (not that he's talking much about it), D is doing more okay than me because now that she knows what it is she knows better how to make it work as best as she can. That leaves me. Basket case, guilt ridden me. Yes, I _know_ I didn't break him. Really I do. But do I _FEEL_ like I did? HELL YES! This is a dominant disorder, meaning both the donor and I were responsible for that particular gene combo, but of course only *I* am here to take the blame.

I've spent the time since finding out researching and reading and educating myself as I have to admit I knew NOTHING about TS before now. I always thought it only manifested itself in extreme tics/vocalizations, and that's not true. The major 'plus' to this is that many kids grow out of it (or it is much more manageable) by adulthood, but the downside is that it gets worse for many kids at puberty. GREAT! Just when you're most self-conscious anyway, let's heap this on too!

TS is linked with a variety of other disorders, including ADHD, OCD, and learning disabilities. E has displayed several tendencies of the first two, and it is really all clicking and making sense now. Not that this makes it any easier to deal with! This link hits dead on with so many of the things we are experiencing now and have in the past: http://www.tsa-usa.org/educ_advoc/morethantics.htm

This isn't the worst thing that could have happened. It's not even in the same ballpark as what other kids/families have to go through. But this is MY family, and it is HARD.

Tags: ts

03:58 pm: Neurologist scheduled
Over the past month we've watched E's tics get more and more frequent and made the decision that yes, we really do need to visit a neurologist for him. I think I've been putting it off hoping for improvement but we're not seeing it. His behavior in general has taken a HUGE upswing, which is cause for celebration, but the tics are just worsening.

We talked to him about seeing a doctor for it and at first he was really reluctant, but this past weekend he brought up the subject and basically asked when he would be going. I think, after talking with him, that he is also bothered by these and wants to see if he can get some help.

I have no idea what the workup will be, but hope that I am not lying when I said that they wouldn't do anything that hurts. BOY I hope that is true!

Appointment is Wed at 10:45, so we'll be pulling him out of school for a bit, but we'll treat him to a lunch out before returning him. Fingers crossed for good news all around!

03:42 pm: One step forward...
And a little backstepping too. Last night A went to bed clingy, and then proceeded to wake up almost every hour on the hour, unaware of her surroundings but crying and upset. I was the only one allowed to comfort her, much to my dismay. This morning she has no memory of it, but wow was it a loooooong night!

Today I finally got the grant submitted that we've been working on literally for months, and I am so glad it's just finally done and out of my hands. Naps please?

10:04 am: Calling the neurologist
E is a boy who has had 'tics' of sorts for a long while now. Mostly they occur around change (new class, new something else), but this year we thought they would fade by now and in fact they are doing nothing but morphing into new and different ones. This recent one is a 'fish face' that is horribly annoying and distracting. He varies between saying he knows he is doing it to having no clue he is doing it. I would say it is largely that he has no clue he's doing it. The behavior specialist we went to said that if it continued we should probably get him checked by a neurologist, and we have hit that point in time. Fingers crossed.

09:47 am: Someone is officially potty trained!
Going along with the genetics of her older brother, my daughter potty trained herself on her own schedule and went from diapers to underwear with nary an accident. How in the world did we get here? I have no children in diapers! Wow. Diapers have been my LIFE for almost 6 years now (it feels like longer) and now I am done with them.

I have a boy who is almost 6, and a girl who is 3, and I have no more babies.

Wow.

10:07 am: Big girl success #1
It's been 3 years and 3 months, but A is FINALLY out of her crib and into a big girl bed. She's thrilled with it, she has been sleeping like a champ, and not roaming the house when she wakes up. HURRAY!

Now on to the next two of potty training (Nope! Not interested, thank you Mommy!) and ditching the pacifier at bedtime. Calling the binky fairy, come in binky fairy!

03:14 pm: Thought to keep in mind (note to self)
His love endures forever. Forever.

03:07 pm: Big girl room population = 1
A got her big girl bed on Saturday and is THRILLED with it. She happily napped in it on Saturday and was great on Saturday night. Soon we will be taking down the crib and moving on. When we finally get her potty trained, we will have a big girl all around. No more babies in our house.

09:16 pm: Worst school day thus far
E brings home a daily 'report card' that tells us every half hour if he behaved appropriately or not, along with a space for comments. The day begins at 9 am and goes until 3:30. Today, EVERY half hour with the exception of 2 periods has comments about his behavior. None of them are good. Some of the most distressing:
1. 9-9:30: On bus, name calling (a girl in another class came in crying). During story, silly silly talk.

2. 9:30-10: silly, bothering others at table during work time and not getting his own work done.

3. 10-10:30: Playing with pencil holder, not working, distracting others with talking and playing.

4. 11-11:40: silly, making noises, bothering others

5. 11:40-12:30: LUNCH DETENTION

On and on it goes...culminating in a long note at the end which stated: "Yesterday I was sick (absent). I was left a TWO PAGE note from the sub regarding E and his POOR behavior choices all day. I chose to give he and another student lunch detention for poor behavior choices yesterday. We discussed appropriate behavior when I am absent. You can see though, today was a hard day."

I think what is the absolute worst was his behavior on the bus. I don't know what was said, but I do know it pains my heart that he caused another student to cry because of his words. This is not the way he was raised to behave. He knows this is hurtful. Why in the HELL does he do these things?? My soul hurts.

04:16 pm: Frustration with my oldest
I need to find a way, somehow, of keeping E motivated. He is so anxious to get to 'more' (e.g. double digit addition) that he will not bear with us that math is a progressive animal and if you don't get the basics down, sooner or later it could bite you on the butt.

He's also very hard to keep on task for things and is looking for the easy way out. This is not my personality nor D's, so we are coming up against a situation I'm not sure how to deal with. He's BRIGHT. He's IMPULSIVE. Argh, the evil pairing! He does not want to accept the fact that you cannot pick up everything and immediately be wonderfully adept at it, as much as you'd like to be.

Apparently beating me at checkers and Othello, and D at chess is not enough to satisfy him.

10:22 am: www.y98megawedding.com and vote for Couple # 1.
In St. Louis a radio station, Y98, is giving away a wedding to couple. My friends, Jennifer & Fred, are in the finals. If you are so motivated, please vote for them!

Fred Maboneza and Jennifer MacMorran are one of the final five couples in the Y98 MegaWedding!!!! We need your help to make this dream come true. The winning couple will receive a dream wedding and honeymoon. Everything from here on out is based solely on VOTES! We need your votes, your friends' votes, your friends' friends votes, etc. Send this to your co-workers, your entire address book, SEND IT TO YOUR FACEBOOK/MY SPACE/ HI 5 friends, post it on your message boards, send it to your google/yahoo groups!!! Get creative and help us in any way you can. The radio station is local to St. Louis, but anyone can vote.

Voting begins today, January 6th, at 9AM. VOTE EVERY DAY UNTIL January 18th at 9 PM. One vote per day, per IP address. Go to: www.y98megawedding.com and vote for Couple # 1. It is important to vote every day, because as eliminations are made, the count starts over!!!

They are so darn cute. :)

10:27 am: One more thing
I am torn about January 2009. On one hand, I cannot WAIT for the 20th and to say Welcome President Obama, but on the other, I will turn 40 a mere 4 days later. Elation and despair. :)

Hopefully the happiness of the 20th will carry me through...

09:15 am: Wow, much belated update!
How in the world has it been so long since I've posted or been to LJ? I have no explanation, I just sometimes seem to drop off the radar, and I apologize for not keeping up with all my LJ friends. I suck sometimes, but I hope to do better in 09!

Let's see, quickie update by bullet points:

*E has learned to play blackjack (older kids at a party taught him) and now my dad is obsessed with trying to 'break' him of 'gambling'. Never mind that to E, it was just a card game. Thanks Dad!
*We are one week away from FINALLY getting a big girl bed for A. Not that we haven't tried to convince her she's ready for one for months and months now, but hopefully now she's ramped up and ready to go.
*My house has been invaded by little creatures. My little pony. Littlest pet shop. Little magnet building things. EVERYTHING IS LITTLE!
*We did a neat project with our Xmas tree. We took it outside, dug a small hole in the backyard (to steady it), and decorated the spiky little balls that fall from the sweetgum trees next door with peanut butter & bird seed and hung them up for the birds. Fun, and hopefully a nice place to hang out until spring when we will use the rest of the branches etc as mulch.
*My goal for 2009 is to get A potty trained AND using utensils during meal times on a regular basis. I'm officially sick of diapers, and sick of dining with my wolverine children.
*I dropped the ball on Christmas cards to the masses this year. Normally I send so many more, but this year we've been passing around this same cold for weeks, and I just was worn out. I apologize.
*We have been home with the kids a ton during the past few weeks, and most of it has been really fun. E has learned to play (and beat us!) at Othello, Battle Ship, Checkers (he's BEEN beating me on a regular basis for weeks now), Quirkle (fun game!) and he has been flying through the game "Rush Hour Junior". The kid clearly has spatial abilities that I do not!
*A's pretend play involves complicated scenarios and complex language. One recent one involved the littlest pet shop chinchilla and I overheard this statement, "I would like to play games with you too, said the chinchilla sadly.". Yikes.
*E has seen THREE movies lately at the theater and loved them all. I don't know which was his favorite, but I went to Bolt and that one I really enjoyed!

At any rate, that's enough of an update for now. I'm going to try and get caught up on what is going on with everyone else. Happy 2009; may you have peace, joy, and much love in the coming year.